When I was 16, I learned there were three main topics we should be careful about discussing, because they could cause arguments or even wars. These are, but not limited to: religion, politics and sex.
In the past, if we wanted to get emotionally and mentally beaten up, we could start discussing these topics and that would do the trick, not counting the pain of physical contact from someone wanting to punch another in the face or worse. Physical contact couldn't be avoided because person to person was normally the main form of communication, back then, unless we were on the phone.
It made me wonder why any subject could elicit major confrontation, just agree to disagree and walk away, until it dawned on me that it may not be the subject necessarily, but the mentality of the person ... another way to get an adrenalin rush for the adrenalin junkie.
However, some confrontational times are changing. Social medias are helping to contribute to a new form of battle field. Yes, social medias have their good, but the bad is the unleashing of this monster within, possibly due to limited social etiquette that some have, and the fear of physical confrontation being somewhat removed.
From personal observation, social medias appears, to me, to be a different way to do battle over beliefs ... or just to do battle for the sake of battling. As I previously mentioned, a way that initially appears to do less harm to our physical form. This type of mind set is what I decided to call a mental, emotional, non-physical, sadomasochism: "M.E.N.S."
Let me preface that this is no reflection on men because I have seen both genders participate and varying ages. This is also not about "trolls" as these may be people we have "friended" through other "friends" or have subscribed to any personal site and were possibly even nice ... in the beginning.
These are people who think they have Carte Blanche when it comes to dishing it out and, yes, even taking it. Taking is part of their kicks. Hence my feelings of this M.E.N.S. mindset; to inhumanely punch and to be punched ... and relish in it.
It seems to me, that by using this form of social media battling, in expressing one's beliefs, there can be inflicted, as well as absorb, mental and emotional cruelty without incurring the physical contact pain.
I have witnessed full on these written, insanely-bullying and vulgar attacks, including rebuttals, which made me think: would they have said this to a person's face? Maybe not, because that could very well elicit instant physical retaliation; something they may feel they are avoiding.
However, this is misleading because it may still allow physical ailment to manifest due to the disease (dis-ease) from the stress in these written battles. I'm sure this hasn't been considered.
Sure, there are those that use the unfriend or block when necessary, I too have had to resort to this measure, thankfully only a few times, when I feel someone crosses my line of decency and respect.
I don't begrudge anyone wanting to share their beliefs. Generally, most feel they are entitled to express their opinions, which I don't mind if done with an intelligent adult attitude and not a childish temper tantrum.
Normally, if I reject someone's belief, I say to myself, "to each their own" and decide to "walk away" from the conversation, or I may not even participate at all.
However, the need to be right seems to take over on this mindset and the verbal punching battle begins. It's also when one feels they have more rights then another, by subjecting more "force" in their conversation, or using a belittling or condescending attitude, that I have issues. Generally, that is a red flag, to me, of someone's low self esteem.
I honestly don't mind a healthy debate, it opens the mind to new things, but my idea of healthy does not include name calling, false information, condescending arrogance, or ... because I said so.
Of course, even a healthy debate can create a M.E.N.S. scenario, especially if one's feelings are on the line, and from what I've seen they generally are. Hence a "heated" debate ensues instead of a "healthy" one.
That's when one may be picked up in their flow of negativity. They could care less if they are wrong ... the M.E.N.S. must be right or it's no fun. Now the ego is in it for the thrill of the kill, because their pride is hurt and they must verbally hurt back; since they cannot physically punch someone. This, to me, has always reflected a fragile ego.
Fragile egos can be within us all and at any time can surface because of our programming. I feel, if more people could understand these emotional triggers and blocks within ourselves, we may sense it within others. By doing so, we may be able to walk away from this type of situation instead of being pulled into it ... been there done that ... or be prepared to do mental battle if we choose; that is also an option.
Generally, ignoring works for most, but not with the M.E.N.S.; they may keep returning to you to continue the argument ... Internet stalking. They want to inflict their mental and emotional pain. Yet, even more, they want you to attack them back so they can then use their martyr (fragile ego of woe is me) routine to instill guilt and remorse in baiting you. That would be just before pulling the rug out from under you by saying things like ... "Gotcha! Fell for that one! You're such a dumbass! You really are stupid!" Then sitting back waiting to read the hateful comments in retaliation, while chuckling. Understand? Things to make it appear you are the loser when what they are really saying is that they are.
This is not saying this type of "mean streak" mentality hasn't been used in their "physical" past. I know there are cases where physical retaliation would have been curbed due to size or respect. For instance, my ex-father-in-law was ill and would be mean spirited even on good days. However, one day he crossed the line with me stating things about me that were untrue and hateful. Instead of slapping his face, due to age and illness, I just left his house. He probably knew this, which is why he relished his power. It was weeks later before I returned. He never apologized and asked me to fix him a glass of tea. At which, I told him to get it himself as he wasn't crippled. He came to the door and yelled to me that he just wanted to see some spunk in me.
Really? Or did he realize I wasn't going to put up with him anymore. This is still the mentality of dragging someone down to their level by using their position or power to employ mental and emotional attacks just to get their kicks out of life.
Instead of placating this kind of ego, which may eventually bring you down with their tormented soul, move away fast. Don't be pulled into their web of troubled mind and soul. See the signs and move on. On social medias, use the delete and block. That's why it's there. Of course, with the physical scenarios it may be more difficult, but still see the signs and protect yourself.
You may think, well this person may need saving. However, are you, or I, the one to do so? I have been told, as well as learned the hard way, that I am not everyone's savior and I sure don't have to be anyone's punching bag. It took me awhile to understand this due to my caring nature. I eventually learned that by moving aside, if not willing to participate in their mind games, I can release this M.E.N.S. personality, possibly and hopefully, to a better teacher; maybe one with a stronger will; if that was warranted.
Yet, first and foremost this person has to want to be saved, and ask for help, or your time is wasted. Considering they believe it is anyone but them that needs help, this may never happen. There is a touch of narcissism here as well.
In addition, I have learned that I cannot be here for others if I'm not here at all. Learning to save one's own mental and emotional well-being, which effects our physical health, is important too.
I'm not saying we may never do battle, but we might learn to choose wisely; whenever possible. At least, we do have a choice, especially over the written ones and especially if you don't have strength of conviction. However, if you feel you're mentally strong enough to verbally retaliate, that will be your choice.
Hopefully, when the M.E.N.S. cannot find anyone to do battle, because we refuse to take up their gauntlet, they will understand this is not a healthy attitude to have and possibly reflect on self improvement.
Do I ever expect this type to go away? Not necessarily. We are all on different levels of awareness and may continue to do so.
Do I expect this type to wise up? Hopefully. Life is always evolving, and maybe one day we will all learn to give and take without fighting; without feeling the need to destroy one another ... physically or verbally.
Because, as we all must know by now: as you sow, so shall ye reap. After all, isn't that what most generally expect when a verbal punch is thrown, that one may be thrown back? However, most don't relish in it like the M.E.N.S.
Lastly, everyone is battling their own internal battles. Please keep this in mind before judging or writing hateful comments ... do try to be kind. If not inclined to do so, then at least walk away.
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