This is some of my childhood memories I have about my dad when it came to dealing with bullying within our family. He rarely yelled or spanked, he would reason with us. He would pull us aside and tell us (bigger kids) that one day our younger siblings will grow up and remember how they were treated. He would then add, and they could be bigger then you.
That left an impression on me that I wish others could understand. That growing up mentally and/or physically will happen and you will be the recipient of your actions.
The thing that amazes me is that there are bullies who think no one will see them do what they do. That's their second mistake. The first one was touching another without their permission. That's another thing my dad would say to us ... keep your hands and feet to yourself.
Maybe he should have added ... no elbow punches either. It's amazing how someone can obey without obeying.
No matter what dimension, if you feel you have to punch someone, it's generally fear based; generated by feeling tired of being punched ... verbally or physically.
I know that one has to always stand up to any form of bullying as I did when I was eight and then again at eleven ... as well as any other time in my life. I did not back down because I felt that right was might ... even if I got my butt kicked. I always believed, and taught my children, never throw the first punch. That makes one the aggressor and not the defender. I always tried to understand and reason before resorting to defending.
Maybe by understanding what generates the fear could help stop it. I had a bully tell me once that he bullied to keep from being bullied. He feared it. He stopped bullying when he got over his fear by talking it out ... dealing with the situation.
Just as my dad did with us in order to keep peace in the family. He let us talk it out and reasoned with us. However he had a strong presence that we all knew we better obey, he would only take so much nonsense before a stronger penalty would be enforced: mainly being grounded.
However, I do remember him telling me that if someone was bigger then me, and picking on me, then pick up something to equalize the situation. I think he also realized that there are times where some bullies may need a lesson in seeing how something feels in order to stop doing what they are doing.
I always had a problem with that, because of the saying, as you sow, etc., until a spiritual teacher, who did not advocate violence, explained that there are those that may need to understand the situation further. They could be only seeing something from their point of view.
This brought back a memory of when I was 13 and babysat for some children. I was still learning, but I feel I was guided to do what I did in teaching one of the children a lesson; a boy, that kept biting his siblings. The mother and father were trying to correct him of it, to no avail. One day, while they were out, the child reach over and bit my arm. Without hesitation, I turned around and bit him back; biting him hard enough but not breaking the skin. I looked at him, seeing the shock in his face as he started to cry, and warned him that anytime I saw him trying to bite me, or his siblings, he would be bitten. About an hour later, while playing on the floor with his brother, he started to bite him. I saw it and immediately yell to him about biting him again. He pulled away and after only a few more warnings, he didn't bite anymore ... and I only bit him once to get the job done.
Like my spiritual teacher had said, it is those moments that we are used to get a point across. It's not done out of meanness or hate, but to teach a lesson ... and I was selected to teach that lesson.
That made me understand that lessons given in love are no where near the lessons learned in hate. Yes, we learn, either way, but which teacher would you want?
That was the kind of teacher my dad was. The kind that didn't make it worse then it already was. Teach the lesson with love, to keep peace, not with hate to create more hate. Hate is fear based which can create bullies who fear being bullied and may become bullies because of it. A vicious circle.
My dad was never a bully. He didn't have to be. Yet, he didn't put up with any nonsense either. We may have only crossed that line once or twice .. to learn not to try it again. You see, "picking up something to equalize yourself" can be another person, with a commanding presence, who can intervene in your behalf.
It's difficult to get over "wrong programming" in our society, but we have to start somewhere. We learned it, we can unlearn it.
Let's stop bullying.
What future do you want to create?
My dad and I in August 2011, he passed away in April 2012. I can only hope he's still teaching in the spirit world. ;)
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